There are a lot of things we do to find love. There are manifestation lists about the qualities we want in a partner. There are dating sites that help us find everything we don't want in a partner. There are failed ideals and relationships that can make us bitter to love and our real or perceived shortcomings of self and others. Whether you are married, dating or your single these failed ideals still become present. In relationship we can fault others for our own unhappiness at times. We can partner to avoid being alone.
The one thing that is present in all of these is us.
Yesterday was the first time in a long time I actually got out of the house. I scheduled out time in my day to actually run an errand that was long overdue. Yet in that time I made it a point to take the rest of the day and go on a date with myself. I sat in a bookstore with a cup of coffee and inhaled books all around me. I sat with a stack of inspiration and knowledge and I had forgotten one of my most important tools in my life. Date myself. Once a week. No phone calls, no text messaging, no social media, no pets, no stragglers.
There are many people that struggle to go into public alone. "What will people think of me? What if I'm not safe? What if something bad happens? It's COVID and I'm going to use that as an excuse to stay home in my pajamas for another year, Janie! I've been preparing for this my whole life." The self date is a challenge. You're responsible for where you want to go and the time you spend with yourself. You're responsible for the comfort in your own skin. Your thoughts. Your happiness. This is an hour or a few hours, maybe an entire day that you are in your own energy. This is huge. This is huge for finding the space of you. What do I mean by that? We are all empathic to some degree. We absorb the energy of others around us and carry it around like it's ours. We feel the limitation of our partners. We try to lift their mental and physical pains by empathetically wearing their burdens. We operate in partnership with whoever we are with because that is called compromise.
The self date can be one of the sexiest dates of your life. You're out in the world. You get to see what the world mirrors back to you and you alone. You get to see how good of a date you are for someone else and what you bring to the table. It teaches you self love. And if you don't love yourself, it goes into the dynamic where it is the responsibility of someone else to bring you up. And you will always make them wrong when they fall short of this impossible task.
Homework: Go on a date with yourself 1x a week. Go anywhere. (Ideas: Go window shopping. Go for a walk. Go buy some crafty stuff from the dollar store. Go walk around a nature center and talk to the plants, go to the lake/beach/ocean.) No phone calls, text messages, social media, pets, friends, no stragglers of any kind. Do this 1x a week for the rest of your life.
Your life will blossom and transform.
Have a beautiful day,
Janie
