"Be careful what you wish for" is a common phrase I'm sure we're all familiar with. And possibly take for granted. I do a lot of goal setting for myself and for my client sessions. It's interesting to see the variety of reactions that arise internally as a goal comes closer into focus. In the moment, I personally look at the possibility of getting exactly what I asked for, we would all expect the reaction would look like "Awe yeah!" "This is awesome!" "Yipee! Let's go!"
Let me create a different reality for you.
Getting what we want is actually a completely different therapy exercise. It more often looks like freak the hell out mode and we want to crawl back into our assured comfort zone. Even if it's a miserable box of crap we feel trapped in. Legit. The four walls of poop offer a comfy odor that we are used to smelling and we can rest assured it will be there again in the morning, and repeat. We know what to expect.
For years I've postulated something I wanted. I like to play with that wish phrase and see what will really show up if I trust and put my energy on these postulations. Without fail though, when it shows up, (which with the right tools, it will)! I go into a place of, "maybe I don't want that!" "What if this blows up in my face?" "I'll just stay safe in this situation that doesn't work for me and keep choosing that instead"... and not choose that thing I wanted, that showed up. "Is that a cramp? Is that stress? What is stress supposed to look like? Maybe that cram means I'm dying of cancer and I shouldn't choose anything new right now!"
(facepalm) Why? Why? Why?
Answer: Change is scary. We're not comfortable with change and the unknown.
This thought process is called self-sabotage. Self sabotage keeps us in our comfort zone, even if it's miserable. Especially when it's miserable. Because that is when we want change the most. We all have a different form of self-sabotage. Many of my addicts can maintain sobriety, until they are presented with an opportunity for what they wished for. That is a major trigger for relapse. Staying in jobs we hate keep us safe, not getting the jobs we want keep us safe. What are the tools you use to stay in your safe zone? And why?
Do you journal? I recommend taking some time to pull out some paper and look at the last good opportunity you had and the scenarios around it. Did you take the opportunity? If so, what came up for you? Did you not take the opportunity? Why? What came up for you in your life? Was it a circumstance "outside of your control?" If so, I want you to look deep at that situation and see if it was something that was truly out of your control? Or did you use that "out of control" situation as a reason to not move forward? It's important to look at our self sabotage mechanisms so we can see when they show up and work our way through them. Each day, as they will most likely keep rearing their head with opinions on why you can't have more.
Another tip is to find someone that will support you in your goal. Don't share your goal with someone who won't back it. That is self-sabotage! Find someone who will fan your flames at your achievements and push you through your fears. Listen to them. Each time doubt surfaces. Keep going forward. Your opportunities are a gift, and at the end of your life, the chances you didn't take, may very well be your greatest regret.
I hope these tools help you live your best life.
Janie
